The safe zone of my heart and my life is the color Black. Most of us have been shaken out of our senses these last couple of months. While I have been doing beyond what I thought capable to keep anxiety levels down to 0% it is important to say when some days are not as chilled. Let’s face it we are imperfect humans and not everything will be under control or anxiety free all the time. This past weekend was a bit challenging in a estrange way. I was missing my family way more than usual and for half a second felt that maybe my support system is not where I am at the present moment. I was raised in a small island with a big personality and I am use to be around big populations full of life and love.
Moving to Arizona was a very unique experience because it felt like a cemetery for most of the beginning years. I was always wondering were are the people? Why is no one walking on the streets? One month later I was wondering…Why have I not met my next door neighbor yet? It is like each individual is in their own little bubble and no one is aware that there are other humans around that simply would like to wave a hello or a good morning. Needless to say I was home sick for about 3 years and it took a few trips back to the island to finally make my decision to commit to this country for personal reasons and also my work makes more sense here.
While I can go on and on on the subject I have to say that after all the headaches and frustrations, and questionings and wonders, etc…Now I look back and I have developed friendships that have blown my mind away on the way they care for me. When I am in the darkest of places, I know who to call to listen to what I have to say with no judgement or critics. And as I get older, those very friendships make me realize that no matter what I have lost or have been taken away from me, friendship is the family that you get to choose and that is priceless.
Going back to the color Black…I embraced this color as part of my safe zone after my grandma passed away. She was very dark and faced a lot of situations that made her feel very insecure when she was alive. She had a limitless amount of love and admiration for me because she knew I was headed the right way in life. Even when I was younger my focus was not about boyfriends and parties I always looked to the future and goals and achievements; not for others but for myself and for my family. My grandmother was one of my strongest cheerleaders in life and when she passed away I was not in the country and I didn’t get to see her one more time when she was alive, although we talked on the phone regularly. I was able to go to her funeral and for some reason the entire week I was back home all I wore was Black, It gave me this sense of safety and security in my soul that everything was going to be alright. I even got many complements from my friends on how good Black looks on me even though my island people are very colorful. From then on, I use a lot of Black clothing specially when I am feeling uncertain about something or when I have to make a strong decision that will impact my life. It is also very classic and I am all about it!
I hope all of you are staying safe and keeping things as chilled and positive as possible. But, never forget that it is OK if things get to be a little too much and that is OK to just let it out and just reach out to the people that wont let you down no matter what. It is good for the soul. ♥♥♥
I miss you so much!!
